Like, Whoa.

What ever happened to Black Rob? That’s what’s on my mind as I type this. That and the fact that I keep having the same recurring dream.

I’m on a country side, surrounded by grape vines. (In my head I am thinking it’s France, or Italy.) It’s a very vegetative area. There’s a large family gathered around me. None of my personal family is in the dream. I’m holding a child, not sure of the sex. Everyone is laughing, including myself (which is why I know for sure it’s a dream) and it’s seeming to be summer time. We’re all seated around a lengthy table, with plenty of food. There’s an attractive woman serving people directly across from me, she has a very pleasant smile, long dark brown hair and deep gaze. I’m sure she’s supposed to be my “lover” or “partner”. I look down at what is on my plate and I notice that it’s pasta, in a white wine sauce, with crisp vegetables. I’m very pleased with myself, that even in dreams, I am still vegetarian. Everything at this point in the dream seems perfect. Good health, what I think is my child, and an attractive partner, a vegetarian diet, and a lighthearted extended family.

(If my family was was in this dream, we’d be yelling at each other a lot in sarcastic tones, give each other the finger. We’d have said fuck vegetables and order a pizza and drank Coke. No one in the extended family would get it, except us.)

It’s around this time that reality sets in. I wake up, fucking freezing, coughing with fluid in my lungs, the 9:30 a.m. sun peering directly into my window, landing on my face, providing me with the only sense of heat in my room. Then I stare at the ceiling and say, “This is my life. I live in Philadelphia, in a house with a furnace that doesn’t work.” I roll out of bed, and begrudgingly walk on the cold hardwood floor into the even colder tile bathroom. Get in the shower and stand in scalding hot water. Woe is me, woe is me.

Good thing for 2 weeks that won’t be my life! At this juncture in my existence as a human being. I am only alive to travel the world. Nothing else is of interest to me. Not relationships, not friends, not a career, not the prospect of having children. None of it. I simply want to vanish into the void.

Until then…you can watch these fancy new videos of me (ugh, and I guess the other people in this band…) on the right hand side of this page.

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